sam “i’m tired of everyone’s bullshit and super-powers” wilson.
(via ruinedchildhood)
business email glossary
- thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"
- thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up
- would you be so kind: fucking do it
- best: i have never physically met you
- all best: this conversation is over
- all my best: i wish you would die
- happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox
- i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do
- i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to
- sorry to chase: answer my email
- so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email
- i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me
- please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem
- i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it
- i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to
- i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to
- can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to
- per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone
- great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone
- thanks!: i'm not mad at you
- thanks!!: please don't be mad at me
- thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk
- please advise: this might be your fault
- kindly advise: this is entirely your fault
- mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator
- can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email
- sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot
- let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again
I knew it happened!!!
I AM FUCKING DONE OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
(via ruinedchildhood)
Here’s the orbital period of our solar system’s 8 major planets (how long it takes each to travel around the sun). Their size is to scale and their speed is accurate relative to Earth’s. The repetition of each GIF is proportional to their orbital period. Mercury takes less than 3 months to zoom around Sol, Neptune takes nearly 165 years.
fuck this gifset do you know how long i sat here waiting for fucking neptune to drag its lazy ass into the frame
(via jewbians)
I just stared at this for like 5 minutes
how did someone get this picture omg
wow.
(via not-your-average-girl)
Hey, this post may contain adult content, so we’ve hidden it from public view.
∞ September 13, 2015 at 04:40pm
Short, Clean Jokes
1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
3. I have the heart of a lion and a life long ban from the San Diego Zoo.
4. What did the orphan say to the other orphan?
“Robin, get in the Batmobile.”5. You heard the rumour goring around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it.
6. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
“Make me one with everything.”
The Buddhist gave him a $50, and the vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks for change and the vendor replies, “change comes from within.”7. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.8. And God said to John, “come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
9. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.10. WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!? LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!! WHEN DO WE WANT ‘EM?!?! NEEEEYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW!
11. What hapened to the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence?
Udder destruction.12. What is Whitney Housten’s favourite type of co-ordination?
HHHAAANNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD
EEEEEEYYYYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!13. Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5 and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3?
Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.14. What do you call a blackman who flies a plane?
A pilot, you racist.15. If you’re ever attacked by a gang of clowns, go for the juggler.
16. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
Ugh these are horrible, I’m not even sorry for sharing them, read them, read them now heh
∞ September 13, 2015 at 04:37pm
Little icelandic girl playing with a lost foal. Instant BFFs.
the little kisses melt my heart
My heart
LIL MOON ON ITS HEAD
i NEED IT
(via whooshtobio)
Icelandic sheep
Where are they GOING
TO VALHALLA
(via fuckyeahcuteanimalss)
SLOW MOTION PUPPY
(via fuckyeahcuteanimalss)